your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
