I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just invented taco cereal.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
