I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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