I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
