ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize