I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
