I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize