all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Two words: blizzard sex
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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