Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
