I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
