I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
