Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
