are you still at the devil's house?
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
