Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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