so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
