Hey man sorry I got all grabby
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
