Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
