You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
