Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
