capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
