So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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