and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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