woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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