yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
