I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
