i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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