I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
God I need to hump something, right now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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