His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
