how hairy? two words: wookie tits
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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