So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
