i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize