I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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