Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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