I puked a lego.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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