Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
