I want to walk on stilts...naked
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize