When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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