whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
