I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize