Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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