nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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