Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I am spending my child support on dildos
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
