She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
