this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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