Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize