so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
