i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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