I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
