He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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