he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
