Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
