i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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