you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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