Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
