so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
