you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
