After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Did I show you my penis last night?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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