You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He called his prostate his "boner button".
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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