Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
