you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
