I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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