I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
